It's Time to Bite the Bulgur

12:28 PM By Gale Hammond
If the members of your family are anything like mine, by now you have consumed every tired old Christmas cookie and piece of stale fudge that can be found. You dove between the sofa cushions, examined the area beneath the fridge, searched the various kitchen junk drawers and rifled through your coat pockets to be sure every last smidgen of holiday sweet stuff is gone. Vanished. Kaput.Yes, you are totally in control.

Eating healthy in 2009 is well under way, and you are the model of perfection in terms of grocery consumption. No more refined foods. Forget the sugar and the soft drinks. And fast food? Strictly forbidden.

So you are feeling quite full of yourself now that you have everything in order. Nothing but whole wheat breads and pastas will pass your lips. Fresh spinach, broccoli and fish are stashed in the fridge ready to fuel your body like a super-tuned Ferrari - once it lets go of all that chocolate and sugar and sprinkles and … oh, no.

You forgot about that red velvet cupcake with the mountainous pile of cream cheese frosting lurking in the trunk of your car - a souvenir of your niece's birthday party the other day. Darn your sister for forcing that last cupcake on you as you were heading out the door! You meant to consume the dang thing before you started your post-holiday diet but in all that sugar-haze, it flat-out slipped your mind.OK, you can give the cupcake to your dog. Or can you? It contains some chocolate, which is not so good for dogs, right? Well, scratch that idea. Just execute a supreme act of strength by carrying the blasted cupcake to the garbage disposal, plop that thing way down deep inside and turn on the water - fast! Nobody likes soggy cupcakes.

Good for you - the coast is clear. For now. Yes, there is nothing like a firm resolve to eat better, lose a few pounds and improve your overall health to make you obsess on all that junk that got you here in the first place, right? And OK, by "you" I actually mean "me." And so it was that I left the house with a sigh of relief the other day. Getting out of the house by taking the dog to his vet appointment was the best thing that could happen. No edible temptations at the vet's office, right? Unless you count the dog cookies for the canine patients but I wasn't going to be tempted by those dry things. Except if it was right before lunch …

Fortunately this trip to the vet's required a drive to Fremont to see the specialist that we visit because we couldn't have your normal, everyday run-of-the-mill dog. Oh, no, our dog has needs - which are another column entirely. But the good news was that for a couple of hours I'd get a reprieve from the dieting fixation.And things were progressing nicely. I had the pooch housed in his crate in the back seat and the radio was keeping us company en route.

Unlike TV, radio commercials don't assault you with extreme close-up burger commercials or pizza promotions, not to mention that true menace to society: chocolate.All was well as I drove up the 680 freeway approaching the Berryessa Road turnoff. Aw, BERRY-essa - kind of makes me think of those warm summer days when I'd whip up a little shortbread with berries and cream, and … oh, goodness. A sign for "Toll Brothers" - wonder what that is. Well I certainly know about "Toll" as in "Toll House cookies," those wonderful treats created back in the 1930s by Ruth Wakefield for travelers arriving at her Toll House Inn …

Whew! Almost got sidetracked by that one but there's Durham Road (and speaking of "Dur-HAM" - ever tried one of those delicious honey-baked things? That has to be the best stuff ever …) - STOP it! OK, passing the "Auto Mall Parkway" exit - nothing tempting there, right? Except for the food court at the MALL and darn - I can't remember the last time I had the opportunity to taste one of those yummy cinnamon rolls you smell the second you step inside the mall doors and - thank heaven, there's my exit.

Turning off at the Washington Street exit with barely a thought of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree and he could not tell a lie and it's definitely no lie that my mom made the world's best cherry pies, bar none, served warm from the oven with ice cream melting over the top and … oh, for Pete's sake, I need to think about healthy foods now. We made it! We are officially at the vet's office, being greeted warmly by the receptionist, and before I can stop myself I'm saying, "Hey, Diana - we'll take a couple of those little doggie cookies - to go, please!"